Goldilocks and the Three Bed Managers

I have been trying to make sense of the last 11 days to no avail. It began on Friday 28th of April around lunch time. Before then the day was fine; I’d got through my usual routine of going to work, catching up with paper work and going on visits. The last visit before I […]

The Flood

It’s been 7 years since I was last on home treatment; I found a few weekends ago that their approach hasn’t changed much. Due to the psychotic symptoms I’ve been having, I saw my CPN after my partner had explained what had been going on. She asked me 5 or 6 times if I felt […]

The Hiatus

I had a five month blogging hiatus, my head got a bit talky and I started writing again – what’s that all about? Is it the ‘link’ between creativity and madness? Is it because my head’s too fucked to do all the other things I really should be but this makes me feel less avoidant… […]

Cacophony of Cunts

I’ve learned it’s very difficult to enjoy the company of others when there’s a raging cacophony of voices that only you can hear, telling you, you deserve to die and that your death should happen by your own hand with immediate effect. What’s more difficult is being at a comedy gig and genuinely finding the […]

She’s Hearing Voices

Last night I think I half heartedly tried to kill myself. I took some lorazepam around 10pm, it did nothing. At 1am I ferreted around in the bedside table looking for more and took 4x 4mg at once; double the recommended dose for an adult. Did I think it would be enough to kill me? […]

Death Haunts Me

Last Tuesday marked 15 years since my mum died. Dead longer than she was my mum for. It was my first day back at university; I sat in the lecture theatre looking at people with more contempt than usual and listened to their senseless witterings of summer before the lecture began. Not only is it […]

Stuff!

The past month has been pretty intense. I seemed to have jumped from one thing to another that I need to take time to reflect on and process; that is pretty fucking tiring. Since the last post, generally speaking I’m doing much better. Although, it feels as though the past few weeks have been an […]